Basketball, Books and a Baby

Thick dreadlocks and “African Drum soc” t-shirts usually signify an “artsy hippie” at Rhodes yet few people know of the avid basketball player hidden beneath this outfit. Sports car pc screen savers and a Sponge bob desktop might cause one to think they were in a little boys room but no one would think that she could be having a son of her own soon .

Most of us know only too well about the thrills and threats that come with being on your own for the very first time yet like *Bonita, a first year JMS student from Rhodes, we don’t ever imagine having to face adult responsibilities just yet. “When you get to first year, you have all these aspirations and goals and high expectations of yourself”, she says with a permanent smile and wind-mill like arm actions.

She goes on to tell of the different obstacles that were there right from the beginning and still challenge her to this day. Making friends and meeting like minded people was a problem and she is still not sure if she has found the kind of friends she was looking for but the whole encounter became lesson number one. A sombre chuckle catches in her throat as she tells me that, “The most important thing is to become your own best friend”

The year has been eventful for this girl and it has all only just begun. Seven months ago, she discovered that she and her friend had “created a baby” and being a third generation pregnancy in her family didn’t help much when she had to share the news with the strict grandmother and the sweet mother, who raised her together in the Vaal.

“At some point I considered abortion and when I told my warden, who works in theatre, she just looked at me and walked away … I have learnt that there are no shortcuts in life, if you take them, there are consequences,” she explains.

Her ambitions and the dreams she had of being a radio or music producer one day are still and intact and thriving. “Surprisingly, it’s all still there! I mean after everything I have been through, I didn’t think I was strong enough to actually pull through everything that has been thrown at me.”

Even though she had made the team, she could no longer play basketball or stay friends with her first year basketball player baby’s daddy. “We were great friends but we were never good as mates and having a baby together caused too much pressure… it pushed us to a level where we just couldn’t do it anymore .We lost everything. Basically I am not even talking to him.”

Talking about her experience with other young and old mothers and the supportive network that her friends, housemates and house warden have created has lessened the burden for *Bonita. She giggles and says, “They ask me all the time, “is it kicking? Can I feel?” plus my Grandma is warming up to it too!”

In spite of all of this, *Bonita’s challenge is not like a simple sum or passing phase, it is altering the course of her life daily for good and she knows it too. “I have this way of dealing with challenges, I don’t know how I do it,” she laughs to herself and continues, “I get through it because trust me my life has just been hectic so I focus on the present and it helps, because you can’t predict the future and you can’t change the past. I think I have gained a sense of maturity”, she finishes off silently.

She read books, made the basketball team, made a baby and she wakes up every morning to give it all another try. “Thing is you can’t just go round feeling sorry for yourself…”

“Ja sure, what’s the big deal, get over it.” Is what she tell those who shun her or try to stigmatize her. “Next year, I will be back on the basketball court ‘cause there’s no way that this is gonna be keeping me down! It was all quite romantic but … I guess that’s how life is, it’s just unpredictable.”

By Dreamer