Basketball, Books and a Baby

Thick dreadlocks and “African Drum soc” t-shirts usually signify an “artsy hippie” at Rhodes yet few people know of the avid basketball player hidden beneath this outfit. Sports car pc screen savers and a Sponge bob desktop might cause one to think they were in a little boys room but no one would think that she could be having a son of her own soon .

Most of us know only too well about the thrills and threats that come with being on your own for the very first time yet like *Bonita, a first year JMS student from Rhodes, we don’t ever imagine having to face adult responsibilities just yet. “When you get to first year, you have all these aspirations and goals and high expectations of yourself”, she says with a permanent smile and wind-mill like arm actions.

She goes on to tell of the different obstacles that were there right from the beginning and still challenge her to this day. Making friends and meeting like minded people was a problem and she is still not sure if she has found the kind of friends she was looking for but the whole encounter became lesson number one. A sombre chuckle catches in her throat as she tells me that, “The most important thing is to become your own best friend”

The year has been eventful for this girl and it has all only just begun. Seven months ago, she discovered that she and her friend had “created a baby” and being a third generation pregnancy in her family didn’t help much when she had to share the news with the strict grandmother and the sweet mother, who raised her together in the Vaal.

“At some point I considered abortion and when I told my warden, who works in theatre, she just looked at me and walked away … I have learnt that there are no shortcuts in life, if you take them, there are consequences,” she explains.

Her ambitions and the dreams she had of being a radio or music producer one day are still and intact and thriving. “Surprisingly, it’s all still there! I mean after everything I have been through, I didn’t think I was strong enough to actually pull through everything that has been thrown at me.”

Even though she had made the team, she could no longer play basketball or stay friends with her first year basketball player baby’s daddy. “We were great friends but we were never good as mates and having a baby together caused too much pressure… it pushed us to a level where we just couldn’t do it anymore .We lost everything. Basically I am not even talking to him.”

Talking about her experience with other young and old mothers and the supportive network that her friends, housemates and house warden have created has lessened the burden for *Bonita. She giggles and says, “They ask me all the time, “is it kicking? Can I feel?” plus my Grandma is warming up to it too!”

In spite of all of this, *Bonita’s challenge is not like a simple sum or passing phase, it is altering the course of her life daily for good and she knows it too. “I have this way of dealing with challenges, I don’t know how I do it,” she laughs to herself and continues, “I get through it because trust me my life has just been hectic so I focus on the present and it helps, because you can’t predict the future and you can’t change the past. I think I have gained a sense of maturity”, she finishes off silently.

She read books, made the basketball team, made a baby and she wakes up every morning to give it all another try. “Thing is you can’t just go round feeling sorry for yourself…”

“Ja sure, what’s the big deal, get over it.” Is what she tell those who shun her or try to stigmatize her. “Next year, I will be back on the basketball court ‘cause there’s no way that this is gonna be keeping me down! It was all quite romantic but … I guess that’s how life is, it’s just unpredictable.”

By Dreamer

Louw Profile

She lights up a cigarette, takes a long drag in and stares at me through her blue eyes, her mass of eyeliner highlighting just how intensely blue they actually are. Nicolene Louw is no ordinary first year, yet she is just like the rest of us. She gets homesick, she sometimes feels as though she cannot cope with the workload and she occasionally feels claustrophobic in little Grahamstown. But she could not imagine being anywhere else at this point in her life. So what makes Ms Louw so special?

Nicci, as she prefers to be called could not answer this question herself. “Dude, I honestly don’t know what you’re interviewing me for. I’m just crazy and I haven’t ever done anything special”, she says as her cheeky blonde bob blows in the wind. If the truth must be told, then Nicci is half right. She is extremely crazy. But she has done some special things for the friends she has made at Rhodes, both human and canine. As she strums her long fingernails varnished with black on the table, she begins to tell me of the day she walked home and found a lost puppy. “This furry thing just started following me when I was walking past B.P.”, she says with a fond smile on her face, “He looked very lost, so I was just like, whatever, I’ll keep him.” This puppy she decided to name Rova, and she spent three weeks taking care of him, until she returned home one day and discovered that he was missing. “I don’t know what happened to him or where he went to,” she says with a hint of sadness, strumming her fingers on the table now at a much faster pace.

However, you do not need to be a “furry thing” in order to attract Nicci’s attention, or to become her friend. Admittedly, she is a bit of a rebel. “I gave my parents hell,” she says with a twinkle in her eye and a wicked grin on her face, the Madonna piercing glinting just above her lip. But this is what makes her admirable. “I really just don’t give a damn about what people think of me. I’m loud and crazy and I smoke too much and I swear too much. But I don’t need to fit in with everybody. I just want to be me.” It is this attitude that makes Nicolene Louw seem like a superhero to the rest of us. While most of us here spend our days trying to find the perfect outfit, the perfect hairstyle, or trying to do things that will merit the acceptance of others, Nicci throws her energy into things that she enjoys doing. “I love writing stuff and playing my guitar. Stuff like that makes me happy, and that’s all that really matters,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders, “and I don’t care if I don’t fit in.”

This girl is not going to preach to us Oprah-style and try and be a role model for younger generations. “I’m going to be myself and stay true to myself. I’ve made awesome friends here at Rhodes. It’s like we have a little family. And I didn’t have to change for either of them. I’m myself around them and they’re themselves around me. That’s all we really need,” she says brushing her fringe out of her eyes. Nicci is not perfect, but she does not claim to be, and it is quite clear that she truly could not care less about what anyone has to say about her. She is a hero in her own way, just like Einstein, who did not care about what people thought of his hair, and Noah who did not care about the fact that everyone laughed at him while he built the ark in the middle of summer. Nicolene Louw does not care if she does not fit in.

Letter to the young dreamer

Free spirited dreamer

We have now come to that place where we craft the dream into destiny. There have been Smoothies and Smirnoff’s Storms along the way but the hard headed persistent nut that you are has finally cracked into varsity- Rhodes. Yes! The “Rhodes dream” does see the light of day after the thickness of the night has passed!

Fortunately, we are not going to be the typical first year because we are part of the Gap year generation. After boarding school, it will be two years of travelling, dancing, guitar playing, camping, hiking, Kilimanjaro, paint ball and bungee jumping! All this excitement has served a greater purpose than just giving us an adrenalin rush. It will be an intense process of character refining and identity reinforcement for a time like now.

Sadly, hanging out of with holy people will not automatically make you look anything like Jesus; but you will make crucial discoveries about us in the process.
The key to a great first year is to remain me. Once this blueprint has been drafted, everything else, our academics and social life, will fall into place and the next four years should be much more solid and exhilarating.

There is a depth and passion about you that partly defines us. It is in your soul but as you know, it comes through you smile. If you think back a little, you might remember the day our eight year old self decided she would never lose her youth; we swore to remain young at heart, even if it means having a spider man bed set in first year or not always conforming to social expectations! We have to keep the passion and urgency alive or else we will lose the dream and consequently, the destiny.

Always unapologetically Us
Dreamer

Hopefully some help!

Hello my friend!

Sorry we haven’t spoken much lately, I have had a pretty eventful first year and I’m sure you have also been busy getting ready for the “big move” next year. The best way in which I can help you with this adjustment is to give you a few tips and hints that I really could have used when moving to a university away from home.

The fun begins and ends when you arrive at your new home. I’m sure you remember how nervous I was about leaving my family and friends especially because goodbyes can be so difficult. This is where tip 1 comes in handy: “Goodbyes are followed by hellos!” In other words, saying goodbye to your old friends and family forces you to make new friends who become your family away from home.

This brings me to tip 2: “You can never have too many friends”. Try not to be shy because you are nervous. Like I have told you before, seal-clubbing is a special feature of o-week (the first week of term) so rather use this time to make friends. Having friends are an important part of ones academic and social life. To clarify the academic point made…pulling an all-nighter to study and finish assignments would not be the same if you didn’t have a housemate to keep you awake on caffeine and chocolate.

O-week is somewhat a right-off in terms of academics but allows one to explore the social amenities that surround the campus. This is a very big hint: go out as much as possible!!! There are many commonsense tips which you WILL be told about like “don’t go out alone”, “don’t get drunk” and the very cliched line “don’t do drugs”. These have all been heard before and no one listens to them anyway so here is tip 3: “Don’t be stupid”. You know what is right and what is wrong so do what is right!

With these tips in mind, the first couple of days will be the best start for any first year. I am not going to lie or omit the truth in any way…. There will definitely be obstacles throughout your adventure but that is why I’m here to help you take the trip without tripping.

Much love,
Jane

Dear Little Friend...

Dearest Toni

You love to party. Who doesn’t? You have an awesome group of friends who you can be yourself around without having to worry about what anyone thinks. What more could a girl ask for? However, you’re nearing the stage in your life where you’ll have to say goodbye to all of them and start building the foundations of your future. I know you’re worried about whether or not you’ll find that group of people who will make your Rhodes experience worthwhile. Who will be there for you when you have a bad day? Who’s going to hand you the Panados after a big night out? And will you find that person who will stand at the front of the stage with you while his band is playing?

The answer to all of these questions is quite simple. You will find people who make you laugh, who will hold your hand when times are tough (or because you can’t walk properly anymore after one too many at The Gaol). Don’t get me wrong, they can never replace your friends at home, but you will form bonds with them, and these bonds may be even stronger than the ones you already have with your existing friends. The people that you meet at Rhodes will become like your family, and every moment you have there, may it be a good one or a bad one, will remain special to you because your friends will be there for you.

But how do you make these friends? Well, remember how you were feeling on your first day of high school? It’s a pretty similar feeling to the one you’re feeling now, isn’t it? You were scared and uncertain of what was going to happen. But you stayed true to yourself. You never changed for anyone, and admittedly, it was difficult. But in the end, everything worked out, and you made some of the best friends you could ask for. It’s very similar at Rhodes. You need to remember that you aren’t the only scared one. Almost everyone around you in your first year is feeling exactly as you do, and the only thing that you can really do to begin with is just to be there for each other.

Just one more thing. Life at Rhodes will get very difficult at times. You won’t get along with everyone. You’ll get the odd dirty look every now and again, and you might find that there are certain people who you’ll just never be friends with. But that’s okay. You don’t have to be Miss Popular, and you don’t have to remember everyone’s name. But you do need to have respect for everyone, and you need to understand that everyone is different. Just know that the friends you make, the ones you love and who love you back, are the people that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. And yes, although you’ll have a new group of friends, they too, will mock you the next morning for the silly things you may have done at The Union or Friar’s the night before.

Much love,
Toni
xxx